Blue Around the Edges

The Record Room--I got the chair from the cheap Abilities Unlimited in town--you can tell the dog has been chewing on the corner.  Ugh!  The table from the pricey Abilities store.  The art was from the Goodwill in Oxford, Mississippi.  We need a large piece of art on the  wall on the left that you can't see, but we're still hunting for that.  Photos when it's finished.
The Record Room–I got the chair from the cheap Abilities Unlimited in town–you can tell the dog has been chewing on the corner. Ugh! The table from the pricey Abilities store. The art was from the Goodwill in Oxford, Mississippi. We need a large piece of art on the wall on the left that you can’t see, but we’re still hunting for that. Photos when it’s finished.

Some days/weeks/seasons I get a bit blue around the edges, and I could, and do, retreat for days.  On days like that, you need your Mama to come visit and scoop you up in her car and take you on the hunt for white lights to hang up in your bedroom because you are desperate to make it as cozy as the Autumn porn on Tumblr.  We also took Mearl-Purvis to Andy’s for a Pumpkin Pie Concrete for me and a puppy cone for her.  I haven’t got the white lights sorted out just yet, but Kelly did drag out our mini prelit foyer Christmas tree out of the garage for me.  I kept the ornaments off it, but I felt like plugging it in Tuesday night and having the cozy lights so I did.  I love the Fall/Winter holiday time of year.  Even when I’m blue, it can be fairly easily helped by curling up in soft, warm clothing and watching a movie or reading a book or snuggling with a pet.

During the debate Monday night, I tried to call Kylie Jenner.  About two minutes after Rob tweeted her phone number, it’s not my proudest moment, but I’ll admit, I dialed it.  It had already been shut off by that point and went to some standard no longer working number recording.  I was asked what I would have said if she’d answer, and I had to admit I hadn’t thought that far ahead, yet.  Poor girl, I was one of the creepies calling you on Monday night.  If you ever stumble upon this, I’m sorry.  Today, I also accidentally sent Kendall Jenner a hideous snapchat of me looking ugly intentionally.  I usually send a daily one to Kelly, but since Kendall starts with a K, I accidentally sent it to her.  I also sent her a snap text apology, but she doesn’t see my message apparently until she adds me as a friend.  Go figure, but there’s where my life is now.

Kelly and I are going to see Vintage Hitchcock at the Fowler Center on Friday night, and I’m so excited!  We were going to see it when we visited Charleston, South Carolina last year, but the show was cancelled. They are also going to live stream it on KASU on Saturday night which is so cool!  You can listen here on Saturday evening at 7:30 p.m. if you’re not able to go.

Otherwise, I’m not one who cares about shoes because for me, they’re just utilitarian.  My outfit could be amazing, and I’ll be wearing the most busted up old ass shoes, but the works of art below could change my mind.  Unfortunately, I can’t even walk in heels, and I don’t care enough to learn.  I’m sure I wouldn’t be able to walk in these, but they are a work of art.  todiefor

Finally, since I turned 35, I feel like I’m 80, for real.  I get heartburn like every day.  I’ve narrowed it down to the fact that I think it’s the result of drinking coffee literally all day long.  I’m going to have to give up/or severely, severely cut back on my intake.  The last week has been really bad so I’m starting to look at what I’ve been eating and drinking lately which has largely been massive amounts of coffee and crap.  Ugh, I’m going to have to make a lifestyle change, just shoot me.  Booooooorrrrrrrriiinnggggggg.

Monster Baby

Consumed/Used:  an entire box of Kleenex and fudgsicles, several containers of ramen noodles, 1 bottle of Robitussin (started on my 2nd), and half a box of Alka-Selzer Cold & Flu in the two days last week I was out sick.  I was still not feeling the best, but email called so it was back to work.  While I was sick, I started my period too so last week won at major suckage.  I thought I had a cold, but I’m pretty sure it’s allergies.  It’s awful.  I had them bad when I was a kid, but it’s been years since I’ve struggled with them this much.  Mearl had her spaying surgery on Wednesday afternoon, and I think she feels better than I do!

Watched:  countless hours of Gilmore Girls, The Bat, Carl Dreyer’s Vampyr, and George Romero’s Night of the Living Dead.  There are some of those that I would be hard pressed to provide a plot on as I kept falling asleep.  Night of the Living Dead was the best.  The others were okay, but I don’t have to see them again.

Wanting:  besides all things Pumpkin Spice flavored (my award winning spouse brought me home Pumpkin Spice Cheerios and Pumpkin Spice Twinkies last week when I was sick), I’d like this Bill Haverchuck shirt from Etsy.  Kelly had me watch all of Freaks and Geeks once and about a year after that, I confused a memory of Bill’s childhood with Kelly’s, and they remind me of one another as kids–or what I picture Kelly like as a kid.  If I can’t get the shirt, I’d settle for the charm below because I like associating my young husband with Bill.  OR OMG, I JUST FOUND MY MONSTER BABY BROOCH!!!  YOU GUYS WHO ARE LUCKY ENOUGH TO HEAR THE STORY ABOUT WHEN I HAD MY MONSTER BABY WHICH IS, HANDS DOWN, THE BEST STORY I TELL, MY DREAM HAS COME TRUE AND I CAN OWN MY OWN DON KNOTTS THAT RESEMBLES THE ONE I HAD BACK IN THE DAY. I CAN EITHER GET A BROOCH OR THE SPECIMEN BELOW, BUT I MAY GET BOTH.  OMG.  TIME HAS STOPPED.  PLANETS ARE SHIFTING.  IT HAS HAPPENED.

wantsbill

Teratoma Brooch
Teratoma Brooch
teratomababyi
Teratoma in Specimen Jar

Randomly:

Kelly suggested yesterday we run over to Memphis for a thrifting date and to go out to lunch, and since it’s been ages since we went to the city we love so much and were married in, we were off!  There’s never enough time in Memphis, but we did visit several of our favorite thrift stores (one new one) and The Four Way.  The Four Way was amazing!  I had the turkey and dressing and Kelly and the fried chicken.  I highly recommend trying it out!  I’m checking the internet for chili recipes to make today.  I’m craving a bowl even though it isn’t cold, yet.  Something spicy!

Droolworthy amazingness
Droolworthy amazingness

 

Feeling Good

So I’m usually behind on everything because I’m picky and because I can be kind of stubborn and fight the tastes of the masses.  Anyway, I’d heard about Hayao Miyazaki’s work for ages here in Internetland and from friends, but I just recently checked out some of his movies from the library.  I watched Spirited Away and My Neighbor Totoro over the weekend.  I really loved Spirited Away, and My Neighbor Totoro was pretty cute.  I’ll have to check out his other films now, too.

So in crisis news, I discovered our indoor cats (as in don’t ever go outside) have fleas.  I’m thinking it’s from a two second escape one made one day or from the cat tree we got.  All the cats have been dosed with meds that promise to kill fleas and their eggs, but I still feel freaked the eff out as if my kids came home with head lice.  I can’t deal with little creepy shit.  I also freaked out because ants are invading around our sink.  I nuked them with some chemical smelling Clorox kitchen cleaning spray which will probably be ingested because it was near our dishes where I was spraying.  Undoubtedly, K. and I will have a third eyeballs soon, but I don’t care.  Not in my house, dudes.  I told Kelly to say a prayer all the creepy crawlies left soon, or I’d be forced to move out.

Continue reading Feeling Good

Anxiety Disorder, Take 450293040328

The picture of anxiety and awkwardness as a child. That moment when you think something sounds like fun, but then you realize it isn't such a good idea for your personality type. Look at those clenched toes. I remember hating everything about this moment.
The picture of anxiety and awkwardness as a child. That moment when you think something sounds like fun, but then you realize it isn’t such a good idea for your personality type. Look at those clenched toes. I remember hating everything about this moment.

Before I post this, you should know that I’m not angry.  I’m not angry, but I’m tired.  I’m tired of people with anxiety dealing with the insensitivity, the condescension, the misunderstanding.  I’m so tired.  Mental health is so misunderstood in so many ways in our country.

It started as a child (This was before my Mom got it.  She gets it now), I would tell my Mom I was nervous and worried all the time, or I would be hiding the bathroom before school, and I would get the, “You can do this!  Just don’t think about what other people are thinking about you!  They don’t matter.”  Oh, Mom.  If only it were that easy.  She realized this as it continued to work on me as a teen.  Before a date one time, I was hysterical in the bathroom sobbing.  I went to the front door and said to my date, “I can’t do this.”  Then, I shut the door in his face and resumed crying in my room and hating myself the rest of the day.

As an adult it still manifests in many ways in my life.  It frustrates me when I mention the lifelong struggle, and seemingly well-meaning people who do not truly understand anxiety disorder come out the woodwork with their “advice”.  They mention they’ve experienced anxiety, too, but they’ve overcome it, or they just “fake it ‘til they make it.” That is called having a hard week, or I’ll be generous and say maybe even a period of anxiety.  It is nothing like generalized anxiety disorder.  It is hard to hear and unhelpful when you tell someone who truly struggles with anxiety disorder.  While I still love you, if you say this to me, I am mentally, or depending on the day I’ve had, maybe even physically rolling my eyes at you.  It is nothing like having normalcy stolen every day from what feels like a cancer of the mind.  Continue reading Anxiety Disorder, Take 450293040328

On E

Lately, I look at this photo of Fran trying fried chicken for the first time a few weeks ago. It never fails to provide a glimmer of happy.
Lately, I look at this photo on my phone of Fran trying fried chicken for the first time a few weeks ago. It never fails to provide a glimmer of happy.

When I was growing up, I assumed that depression would be more glamorous.  I pictured Debra’s meltdown in Empire Records where she was surrounded by her friends all blathering on about how much she added to the world and how much they loved her.  I figured it would have a killer soundtrack, maybe a song by Kate Bush.  I figured I might gaze forlornly out a window, a tear or two gliding down my cheek.  I read all the gothic poetry, and it all seemed to be a reverie of fog, perfect crushed velvet jackets, and opiates.  Everyone, slick on some black lipstick and channel Fairuza BalkContinue reading On E

“But I Held My Breath, I Kicked My Feet”

Sun beam magic and my kitty friend nearby
Sun beam magic and my kitty friend nearby

Lately, time seems to be moving very fast, yet so slow.  How is that possible?  Days feel like an eternity of the same over and over, but then, the family met up last Tuesday evening to celebrate Dad turning sixty.  Kelly will be forty very soon.  I am explaining all this to him, and I am indignant, “It’s going by too fast!”  He has almost been on the Earth for forty years, and then one day it will be my turn.  Eek! Slow down, life.  Slow down.  I want to shake the younger ones and “dress them down” as K. says. I’ll tell them the mistakes not to make, but then, I want to dream.  There’s still time for me, too. Continue reading “But I Held My Breath, I Kicked My Feet”

Sweet Savannah: Travel Post Day Two (Part I)

As usual, I wake up before my sleeping K.  I scroll through my phone and fidget as long as I can before I can no longer take it.  I think it is possible I might die of boredom by the time he gets up so I’ll have to find something to entertain myself.  Our room is messy—a reflection of a late night, early morning and a bottle of wine.  The suitcases are on the floor, spread open like novels, clothes strewn throughout the room.  I throw open the French doors and head out in my pajamas.  My hair is standing on end, but I don’t care.  I am embracing my Mom’s philosophy that stuck when I was a fat seventeen year old, afraid to venture out to the beach in a swimsuit.  She said, “To Hell with them, Sarah.  None of these people will ever see you again.  Life’s too short.”  I grab my camera off the nightstand before wandering out, “to Hell with them.”

This will be the only hour of the day that isn’t sweltering.  I will even venture to claim that it “feels good.”  It is blissfully quiet.  Silence only echoes this way after a night of revelry.  The sky is a suggestive soft pink; it holds the promise of happiness after several of my darker weeks.  Lately, I’ve been confused and restless, but this morning on the river feels better, more meaningful.  It isn’t manufactured calm like when my bones loosen after swallowing one of my anxiety pills.  It doesn’t feel like I’m swimming underwater and everyone else is speaking to me in garbled voices.  A group runs along the river, and there is a decisive rhythm to their steps.  I lean on the rail and watch a tugboat churn down the river, slow and stubborn like a bumblebee.  Our neighbor comes out on their balcony, and her face is puffy, swollen with sleep. I imagine I look the same way, and we nod at each other. She stands closely enough that I could reach across and touch her, but instead of contrived small talk, we both are anchored, silently watching the boat until it disappears behind a building.  I run inside and wake up Kelly to tell him mercilessly what he’s missed.  “You’re wasting your day,” I admonish like an old Grandmother. Continue reading Sweet Savannah: Travel Post Day Two (Part I)

Belated Thankful Thursday for October 22nd

Our second time to see the Avett Brothers live!
Our second time to see the Avett Brothers live!

Happy Friday, friends!  I hope everyone enjoyed their week.  Yesterday was a little hectic so I didn’t get a chance to post my usual “Thankful Thursday” update.  Kelly and I had tickets to the Avett Brothers at the Convocation Center so we were busy with that last night. 22220587670_1be8a01b69_o

The Avett Brothers are one of my favorite bands, but I think I’m one of the only people that wasn’t overly blown away with the show in Jonesboro last night.  Our seats were good, but the sound in the Convo seemed a little off or something.  Maybe it’s where we were at in relation to the speakers.  Maybe it’s that I kept comparing last night’s show to the intimate, stripped down show at Mud Island in Memphis a few years ago that was so incredible.  Plus, I felt like some of the show just seemed a little contrived.  I dunno, that’s just my opinion.  I still love the band and their music, and even a less than perfect show by them is still pretty good.

Enough about that, here’s my good things list for the week! Continue reading Belated Thankful Thursday for October 22nd

Belated Thankful Thursday for September 17th

the_age_of_the_medici
The Age of Medici (image above found: https://mubi.com/notebook/posts/now-on-dvd-the-age-of-the-medici-rossellini-1973)
  • I am probably the only nerd in the world who got so excited to watch the series The Age of Medici on Hulu. The description Hulu gives of it is a “Renaissance painting come to life,” and that truly sums it up. I am working my way through the Criterion Collection (always), and I wrongly assumed this would bore me, and I’d end up skipping it because life’s too short (I skip all the Samurai movies which I have tried and just can’t do).  How wrong I was!  If you’re a nerd with a lot of time on your hands, check out the three part series.

Continue reading Belated Thankful Thursday for September 17th